Faber Drive

I want to stop being so damn scared of everything.
I want to stop caring about what other people might think.
I want to do whatever the fuck I want because it makes me happy.
I want to listen to my heart just for once. Just, once.

I wish I wasn't so damn scared of everything.
Like when people tell me I should, I wish that I could.
Because that's what I want. Because that's what makes me happy.
Or like when you tell me you love me, I wish my brain stopped functioning,
so that my heart could answer you back.
It's always the eternal battle between the head vs the heart.

It's true then, what they say.
That this is the problem with me. And with most people.
We don't do the things we want to do.
That's why we end up being sad about things or in the situations we are in or the people we are with.
Because we are always so scared to make that one risky decision.

It's true really, what they say.
That we build all these stupid walls around us.
Waiting for someone to break them.
But when someone does, we just couldn't let them in.
I just couldn't let anyone in. I just couldn't let you in. Again.
That's what I do. I push people away. And I am so good at it.
I must be a fool.
After you made a chink on my walls, I kicked you out and started rebuilding all these stupid walls again.

What a mess life really is, most of the time.
I wish I was dauntless. I wish I know how to ignore all these fears away,
all the freaking and endless "what ifs" or the "can't bes".
Because now you're packing all your things, you're slowly slipping away.
Away from the walls I so painstakingly erect. Away from everything you started.
Because I'm just so scared of what's gonna happen if I let you in.
And that is so stupid.