Monday, April 14, 2014

Faber Drive

I want to stop being so damn scared of everything.
I want to stop caring about what other people might think.
I want to do whatever the fuck I want because it makes me happy.
I want to listen to my heart just for once. Just, once.

I wish I wasn't so damn scared of everything.
Like when people tell me I should, I wish that I could.
Because that's what I want. Because that's what makes me happy.
Or like when you tell me you love me, I wish my brain stopped functioning,
so that my heart could answer you back.
It's always the eternal battle between the head vs the heart.

It's true then, what they say.
That this is the problem with me. And with most people.
We don't do the things we want to do.
That's why we end up being sad about things or in the situations we are in or the people we are with.
Because we are always so scared to make that one risky decision.

It's true really, what they say.
That we build all these stupid walls around us.
Waiting for someone to break them.
But when someone does, we just couldn't let them in.
I just couldn't let anyone in. I just couldn't let you in. Again.
That's what I do. I push people away. And I am so good at it.
I must be a fool. I must be.
After you made a chink on my walls, I kicked you out and started rebuilding all these stupid walls again.

What a mess life really is, most of the time.
I wish I was dauntless. I wish I know how to ignore all these fears away,
all the freaking and endless "what ifs" or the "can't bes".
Because now you're packing all your things, you're slowly slipping away.
Away from the walls I so painstakingly erect. Away from everything you started.
Because I'm just so scared of what's gonna happen if I let you in.
And that is so stupid.

Friday, April 04, 2014

Book review: Insurgent by Veronica Roth


I can't stand how the first book started so well and then this. I was utterly disappointed. To me, it felt like the story was so forced. On the first book, I am such a fan of Tris and her strong personality and  then I was so irritated on how she turned out in this book. It's like she became a different character entirely and I was close to hating her. Even Four, I was supposed to fall in love with him more but whatever he was on the first book, Roth seemed to forced him to be someone so important that it felt like so unreal to me. I hate how I felt about reading the book. I remember being so excited upon starting to read because I was so satisfied with Divergent.

It just what I think of anyway. Not that I am saying that this is a bad book. But the second book in the series was supposedly should be better than the first! I can't stand it!

Wednesday, April 02, 2014

Brave vs. Fearless

“But becoming fearless isn't the point. That's impossible. It's learning how to control your fear, and how to be free from it, that's the point.”
- Four / Tobias Eaton from Divergent 

Monday, March 31, 2014

Book review: The Art of War by Sun Tzu


Sometimes I think my father forgets that I am a girl. I shouldn't be a frustration by him since he's got two older sons but, that's what I think sometimes. It's like this one, he told me to read this book this summer. I mean, I have no issues with warfare thingys, in fact, I love it. My obsession with Game of Thrones would answer for the why of it. And for my own benefit, I did enjoy the book. Thanks to a good friend who gave it to me as a gift (which explains the words: For Bunny on the cover).

It's just a very short book about tips and techniques from the warfare genius, Sun Tzu. Ever since written, this book has been used by great war lords and generals e.g. Douglas McArthur, Joseph Stalin, John Fuller, etc. I think the things written there don't mean that they only apply to war related things. Some tips are applicable to the usual everyday life plus they make a lot of sense. I was surprised that I have enjoyed this little light reading. I would surely recommend the book to everyone.

Book review: Divergent by Veronica Roth


I watched the movie adaptation on cinema first with my friend. The story was pretty interesting and then I remembered that I have an ebook copy of it on my phone so I started reading it right away. Few reasons why I wanted to read the book were (1) I believe I would understand the story more if I read the book since a lot of things in the movie are vague to me (2) I want to know Four more and Tris as well since they are both strong and interesting characters.

And as usual, the book is always so much more than the movie, of course. I understood each faction more. And the real reason why Tris' aptitude test was inconclusive because the book has the complete explanation. And of course, you get the feel of the characters. Of Four. (okay it's obvious I am fangirling on Four). If I think of it as a whole, I would say that the book is really great.

It tells a story from the perspective of Beatrice Prior, where there is a dystopian world where society is divided into five factions, each represents their most valued principle - Abnegation (the selfless), Amity (the peaceful), Candor (the honest), Dauntless (the brave), and Erudite (the intelligent). On a particular day every year, all sixteen-year-olds must select their faction who will devote the rest of their entire lives from then on. I love Beatrice Prior (Tris) character because she is portrayed as a very strong and determined girl.  She has   beautiful personality that you would want to identify yourself with her. At least I do. I wish I was as Dauntless as she is. (so maybe I can have Four). Ahh, but anyway I did enjoy the book. It was full of surprises and action and it was really fantastic! I loved every page.

Saturday, March 08, 2014

Lately when I look at my parents, I notice all their wrinkles when they talk, the sagging skin on their face and the dark circles around their eyes. They're growing older each day that it breaks my heart to know that they will never get any younger. Time really is a slut—it screws you. It has passed so quickly it's crazy to realize that both my parents are over fifty. And I feel like I haven't done anything for them yet. Or have I? I'm not sure. I just hope I make them proud when I finally graduate in college. Have a nice job and be able to buy them things on my own. Take them to places they have never been to before. I hope I can do the things they have always dreamed for me, or that I'd be the one to fulfill their dreams back then that they weren't able to do because their children (us) have always been their first priority. I want them to feel accomplished that they have raised good children. I want them to have no regrets. I just want them to make them happy with every single day. That's why I can't wait. I wish time would be kinder to me. One day, I hope they will see me as that little girl that has grown so much and be proud of the grown woman that now stands before them. I hope. -v.a.
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