Thursday, November 20, 2014

Life lately

  1. I just finished reading Norwegian Wood and I regret it was the first I've read from Murakami. I didn't like it at all that's why it took me quite some time to finish the book because I kept losing my interest in the story and in the characters. Nevertheless, the writing is genius. Murakami sure is a great writer and this one book of him won't stop me from reading his other books.

  2. Anyway, don't get me wrong about Norwegian Wood. It was the book that propelled Murakami to stardom. I was surprised about that. Even Murakami himself said so. The book is about life and death. But I just couldn't stand the characters and how the story drags. This is just an opinion about the book itself. I have no issues in the writing because the prose was so beautifully written.

  3. “Death is not the opposite of life but an innate part of life. By living our lives,we nurture death.” — Haruki Murakami (Norwegian Wood)

  4. I was in a bit of haze these past couple of days. I couldn't seem to grab hold of my life and all the time I just feel spaced out and so detached from everyone.I have the OJT to blame for.

  5. I'm so good at shutting people out. Cutting off any direct contact between me and the outside world. I couldn't touch them and they couldn't touch me. I remained in this state for quite some time it amazes me, in that weird but painful way.

  6. I wonder if counting sheep really does help to put people to sleep. I reach 421 and I still have the energy of the sun.

  7. “Cause we're young and we're reckless we'll take this way too far. It'll leave you breathless or with a nasty scar.”

  8. This is why I never like the idea of being employed and applying for jobs trying to sell yourself through a shining shimmering resume. You cannot define a person's abilities and capacities from a few fancy scribbles on a paper. Most legend writers and painters were drunk, always unkempt and laid back, and some were in the asylum painting Starry Night.

  9. Nine is for all the damn wishes and almost prayers I said for that company to give me a ring for an interview which never happened and so it broke me into million little pieces yesterday.

  10. And ten is to apologize for the negativity vibrations I sent you over because of this post from a too-tired-and-weary-brain at 2 in the morning. Go get yourself some sleep and never bother to read anything I wrote until I have my OJT because I'm sure I'd just write more like this stuff.

P.S. It really is so hard to pull yourself together. I mean do I have to use mighty bond to put myself back in normal shape?

Friday, November 14, 2014

Coffee xx

I am writing you this because I was in a coffee shop earlier today and the bitter-sweet taste of the coffee I was drinking reminded me of your lips. And how one sip from the cup transported me back to the time when we were lurking under the big mango tree on an abandoned bridge at 12 midnight being the invincible kids that we are—the hushed whispers, the goosebumps, and the kisses and the kisses and the kisses.

I can still hear your rasp voice saying you just had a cup of coffee before coming to our little rendezvous. And I can still feel the hair on the back of my neck prickling from the heat of your breath against my ear when you whisper the words I love you over and over and over again, like a prayer.

I was brought back out of my sudden recollection of memories when I realized I was unconsciously scribbling your name on the tissue paper. So I decided to write a note to tell you that I remembered you today and hope that you're doing well. There was a bit of coffee stain on the tissue, if you wouldn't mind. And I hope whoever finds this, it makes them remember of a love they once had. And if somehow the Universe plays a joke on us and you'd be the one to find this, I hope you know that it was me, and I hope that you remember.

Monday, September 29, 2014

“I keep thinking you already know. I keep thinking I’ve sent you letters that were only ever written in my mind”
                                                                                                               - Iain Thomas 

Saturday, September 20, 2014

The Mayumi and Pogita story

original and unedited manuscript
written by: Joan M. Magsino



Nagparamdam.
Nagpasaya.
Nangako.
Nang-iwan.

Itago natin siya sa pangalang Pogita. Matangkad, maganda ang kanyang pangangatawan at katamtaman ang kanyang kulay. Siya ang una mong mapapansin sa kanilang barkada..

Isang gabi, nagpunta si Pogita sa kaarawan ng isang kaibigan at nabighani siya sa isang babaeng tila isang anghel kung iyong sisilayan, mapupula ang kanyang mga labi at tila nangungusap ang kanyang mga mata. Siya si Mayumi—probinsiyana. Tahimik sa una, may sariling paniniwala, makulit ngunit masayahin naman. 

Di nagtagal ay nagpakilala si  Pogita kay Mayumi. Sa pamamagitan ng pagmessage sa facebook siya unang nagpakilala. “Hi.” Ngunit hindi ito nireplyan ni Mayumi. Kinaumagahan pag dating sa eskwelahan, nagulat na lamang si Mayumi nang puntahan siya nito sa kanyang silid aralan ng kaibigang nagdiwang ng kanyang kaarawan noong gabi, “Hoy Joan, may gustong makipagkilala sayo!” Nagpanggap si Mayumi na walang narinig. Nang pangalawang ulit ng kaibigan ay sinabi na ang pangalan ng binatang gustong pakipagkilala sa dalaga. 

Monday, September 15, 2014

On uncertainties, being scared and finding the way back.

There are times I don't know if I made the right decision. Sometimes I catch myself wishing I didn't pick up all the broken pieces and jagged edges of our hearts and put them all back together. I was so brave when I started this. But now, I'm not sure. And the uncertainty of everyday kills me. What if we can't make it? What if it's not you? What if it stop working? What if I was wrong about all the things I thought was right? What if I hurt you? The questions go on and on and then I start hating myself. Because I love you. And I want to take half that love back. Not because I don't really love you, but because it just feels safer that way. Maybe if I give only half my heart, I can keep the other half to myself just in case something goes wrong with the other half I gave you. And that maybe because it will save me a great deal of pain too. I want to take back half of the love because I didn't mean them as much as the other half I gave you. That's how selfish I feel right now.

If there are moments that I seem to be detached from you and everything else, forgive me. I didn't mean to be this indecisive and unpredictable. I didn't mean to be so scared. Scared to be hurt. And scared to hurt you. You see, I truly love you. But I got this whole life ahead of me, tough roads that I'm going to take, rivers that I'm going to cross, and rainbows that I'm going to paint. And it scares me to think that one day I might hurt you because my heart got ridden with all these ugly doubts and hesitations, and you'd think that I didn't really love you. That's not true. I love you. I do. And I'm sorry that I'm always just this scared. Still scared even if you are holding me and keeping everything in tact together so it can work. So scared of falling out an not recovering. Scared this ends in a cold war of us being a complete strangers. So scared of uncertainties. I'm sorry that you always have to put up with all my shit.

I need to find my way back. Back to the time when I said I love you under the moon and all the stars in agreement. Back to the time when the ocean couldn't stop kissing the shore even if it always sent it away. I need to find my way back because in doing that, I'd find the brave version of me in that place and when I do I'm gonna take her with me, so we can create a new path together, carefully and bravely fighting back all the uncertainties, all the fears until I finally find the reason why I started this.

Friday, August 29, 2014

You don't owe anyone an explanation of who you are. They're not entitled to know everything about you. If they can't understand the way that you are, pack up your things and just leave. Do not fit yourself, lower your thinking or conform to what is acceptable to them because one way or another, you're gonna lose yourself. Remember that the best persons in the world are those that make you feel comfortable in your skin and those that forever fuel your soul.

Wednesday, August 06, 2014

“I remember it was beautiful,
the night we spent
under the stars.
And although I am under
the same sky tonight,
the stars are not nearly
as beautiful without you.”
                                                                (m.w.)
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