They say when you look at a star, you're looking at another version of yourself, in another universe, in the eye. It's a poetic take on the theory of "multiverse". The one where there's a hypothetical set of infinite universes happening all at once in different timelines. It's the idea of parallel universes or alternate reality.

Presuming the multiverse is real, well then, maybe somewhere in those infinite universes is one, just one, where everything turned out well-- where words and promises are kept, where wishes prevail. and hearts don't break, where we don't have to second-guess and wait, or listen to someone telling you, "I can't,", and we don't end up having sleepless nights or panic attacks at 4 in the morning questioning our worth. A version where we don't have to bleed and drain for the people we love and hell is not something you have to go through in real life.

But here we are in this version of reality where things aren't as rosy as we wanted them to be. The past year has been crazy I thought it was the worst. The past couple months proved that wrong-- they only got even worse. To think everything had to do with our emotions. Which is something we have no control over. Unless we act bravely on it. Someone once told me, "Dai naghahambog ang namamati." ["Our emotions don't lie."]. It reminded me of one of my favorite quotes from a favorite book, The Little Prince: "It is only with the heart that one can see rightly. What is essential is invisible to the eye." I wonder how many of us succumb to heart? I imagine only very few lucky ones.

Call me out for feeling things deeply. But I guess it's the only choice I have. How then do you encompass all this beauty and pain that surround us? If not take it all in? I guess turning a year older in these trying times is making me sappy and sentimental and embrace my vulnerability.

Two months ago, I didn't think I could make it. A year ago, I also thought the same. We're dealt with different cards everyday and how we act upon it ultimately determines how our life will turn out. The Universe has no fixed agenda. And we can ask for the signs all we want but the ball is ours. Once we make a decision, it works around it. There is no right or wrong. Only a set of possibilities that shift with each thought, feeling an action that we experience. As for me, if I suck in some of my decisions in here, I hope the other versions of myself in the multiverse are killing it!

I was looking at the photo the Hubble telescope took on my birthday. I was 5 by then with not clue how the world operates. If I look at a star tonight, there may be a chance I am looking at the 5-year-old version of me somewhere out there. I'll tell her this:

Here's a little secret from the movie Braveheart: "Your heart is free. Have the courage to follow it." Oh also personally from me, "Burn. Burn for the people you love. Because that's what makes us human."