Day 82;

These days I feel like I have two brains. One that does the usual necessary things-- signals me to sleep, tells me I'm hungry and it's time to eat, when I'm tried and need to lie down, to move and breathe. And live.

The second one swirls with all the unnecessary thoughts of you-- wakes me up in the middle of the night wanting to cry, makes me lose appetite, angers me whenever I'd remember all the lies, not wanting to move and do things, gives me panic attacks at 4am asking questions I'd never get answers from. And kills.

Most days, what kills is winnig.