We were the kings and queens of promise, no more

It happened slowly and then all at once.

I stood there and watched every thing we have built crumbled into nothing while you hold on for dear life to save what was left of it. 

In all my hopes that I don't hurt you, I didn't realize that I already am. That in pushing you away and ignoring you, I was already doing it. It came to the point where I was just waiting for you to make a major mistake so I could have a reason to finally end this. Because I don't think I can ever trust myself to face you and tell you I have to let go.

I don't think I deserve you. At this point I don't. I'm at this weird phase in my life where I don't know what I want. I don't know what I want with my life. I don't know what to do. I remember I kept wishing for you to just suddenly show up here. Just magically come out of nowhere and be with me. But instead all I get are "almosts".
I almost wrote you a letter but didn't.
I almost visited you there but didn't.
I almost called you but didn't.
I almost given you a birthday gift but didn't.

When I think about all those they might seem petty. But I was at the point in my life where I needed you more than anything. I needed that effort. I needed that push. I needed you more than words. I needed you here. Just one trip love. Just one day of you magically showing up here and assuring me that yes, you can be here with me. But it never happened.

And then it happened slowly. And then all at once.

I am so sorry.
I am sorry I am not the girl you thought I was.
I am sorry I wasn't strong enough.
I am sorry I couldn't keep our promises.
I am sorry I couldn't keep your heart anymore.
I am so sorry for the pain I've caused you. You don't deserve it.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

Please remember I will always love you. But just not the same way anymore. Not the same way you would have wanted me to. It's this stupid heart I could not control—the way it falls in and out.

Please remember that I will always remember you for the rest of my life. The fingerprints you left will stay with my heart. You are still and will always be my favorite person in all history of cosmos.

Time was never really kind to us, my love. Ours is a case of a really bad timing. You are so good for this world. You are so good to be in my orbit. You, with a heart like gem and a soul as pure as rain, my love, I can't hold on to you.

If we ever meet again some time in the future, I hope you smile at me. And I hope I smile back. Because I'd know then, in my heart, that we both made it. And we have finally come to terms with time and love lost, and the acceptance of everything that has happened between us.

So will you remember me, love? Will you smile for me when the day comes?