The trouble with romantics

We are so out of touch of reality.
When you told me you needed space
to fix things for us,
only to find out you fixed things with her.
When you told me you won't disappear,
you will be the one who stays, or that whatever
you're thinking of, I'll be the first one to know.
But then you disappeared and cut me off my only communication.
So I was left staring at your life with her at a distance.
While I slowly crumble to pieces,
trying to build my hope
with all the words and promises you told me.
Yet I still hope.
I make myself believe you're only doing this to fulfill your promise.
I wanted to believe in you so much.
I started lying to myself.
Like the night you told me "I love you BUT..."
and I only heard the first part.
I couldn't stop. I go back to your words,
to your promises, and believing in my own fantasy
that you love me
even when you've clearly
shown me many times
that you don't.

Please just kill me.