For digging me a grave

Don't chase someone or try to convince them to change their mind about being in a relationship with you. If they aren't in, then they aren't who you're meant to be with. As painful and challenging as it might be to let go, it's time for you to return that energy you're spending on trying to win love toward yourself and your inner-work.

During a loss of love, the abandonment wound can become so active that it begins to take over and hijack our behavior.

If one person in the situation wants to make it work and the other one doesn't, old stories of being unloved, rejected or unworthy can get stirred up in the psyche, throwing us off our center and into a frenzy.

Pursuing someone who doesn't want to be with you is usually not really about them-- it's about a part of us that deep down believes that we NEED their love and approval in order to be ok.

When we're desperately chasing someone or spending our energy trying to convince them to give us a chance, what's really happening is that our wound is running the show.

It might seem that you just know in your heart that you're "meant to be together", or that even though things were bad, you have to "make things good."

On the extreme end of things when the abandonment wound is triggered, we might feel like we're in a complete panic to get this person to choose us.

The idea that we need them is an illusion. It's not true in any way, and as hard and painful as it might to let go of the chase, it's what's necessary for you to heal and return to wholeness.

If a person isn't interested fighting for you, then you're not meant to be with that person.

There's no tragic romance or failed fate -- it's just not meant to happen. Instead of fighting and thrashing against reality, you're being asked to sit with the pain and discomfort of this ending and listen to what your wound is trying to tell you.

In the moments where we feel the most out of control, we have an opportunity to reach a new level of surrender.

But first, we have to deeply accept that whatever is happening is meant to help us grow. We are asked to trust that the path in front of you is the right path.

Our minds can trick us into believing that something is terribly wrong, that this "isn't how it was supposed to be!"

In truth, we have no idea how things are meant to be, or where we're going. We have goals, hopes and fantasies, but ultimately, we do not "know".

Who's to say things aren't happening exactly as they are meant to? That this is all part of your path to learning and coming home to yourself.

There is medicine here for you, bitter as it may be, these moments are not here to break you down, but to break you open.

In our darkest hour, we have a chance to meet new parts of ourselves and integrate our wounds in an entirely new way.

Sometimes, it really does take an event that feels catastrophic for us to see how alone, hurt and afraid our inner-child has been all along.

Just as quickly as things can end, new beginnings can form. There is beauty ahead for you.

Even though it may seem as though you will never recover, I promise you, things will get better.

Loosen your grip, what doesn't want to stay is not meant for you. It's time to return to yourself.

In each moment, return to your breath, return to your body, return to the truth.

You are innately whole and completely lovable. You do not need anyone to validate you, you don't need to "win" love, release yourself from that game.